Growing older...

and Crankier...

My birthday is in a few weeks. I’m getting older, I admit it.

My vision, which was always bad to begin with, is getting worse. I’m less patient than ever before—which is terrifying prospect as I was NEVER Prudence Patience to begin with. I’ve also discovered that little things piss me off.

Here’s an example: I get very irritated at the store with little kids around. Today this woman had a three or four year old in the cart. As they walked by this child emitted a scream that would wake the pharaohs still buried in Egypt. Did the mother shush the child? Sure she did. “sh. Don’t do that.” All the while, the child is making dogs across the nation howl.

My solution was simple—take your finger and thumb then thump the little one’s mouth…of course my first instinct was: take the child home and duct tape it’s mouth shut. I mentioned these options in passing to the mother. She was disinclined to accept either helpful hint.

Here’s another example: My husband is very close to waking up in the morgue. He’s on my last nerve. For the last five years, I have said how much I wanted a laptop computer. I need it for my work. My office is in our bedroom and he goes to bed so damn early I can’t get much work done.

Our daughter’s birthday was Sunday. Guess what she got? (Bear in mind he NEVER discussed this with me!) Yep! You got it, a laptop. Am I pissed? Damn straight. Every time I brought it up, “we don’t have the money for a laptop.”

I ask you this: if it was you, would you be pissed?

My birthday is in three weeks, and I’m getting one of two things: a new laptop or a funeral service for a dead husband. If I disappear in three weeks it will be pretty obvious which of the two won out…

I’m this bad at *mumble, mumble* years old, can you imagine what I’ll be like in ten years? Twenty?

Donica